Sometimes it's hard to be happy. Sometimes maybe i'm just holding on to something too tight. Too tight for me to breathe and handle. Exam times are always those moments that get you right down to the core of sadness. It was already bad enough that I did bad on one, now two more to go. Sometimes I don't know what type of person I am. Will people love me? Am i actually secretly hated? What is there left of me? Can someone help me out of this dark whole?\

I'm not happy. I figure... I'll really never. be.

When everything's a lie

I saw it on her phone. That message.. that reference. How could I be so stupid to think that there are true friendships... history always repeats itself. I'm always the one that gets hurt. Every time i put my heart out there, it just gets ripped to pieces and comes back to me. 

This is the path I'm destined to walk on.. there's no hope, no nothing, no anything. 

Can I really find real friends? What is there left for me to see?

What should I do? Should I just pretend that I didn't  see anything when I clearly did? 

I don't even know.. somebody out there.. just tell me what to do because i'm so ready to let go 

Everytime something like this happens, it always leaves such a big scar on my heart. Why are you hurting me like this? are you not supposed to be my closest friend? 

I don't get it. I think it's just a fact that no girls can escape gossip. 

But calling us gossip girls? If we were real friends, you wouldn't call that behind our back. 

Are you a friend? 

If you're not the one

If you're not a true friend, then let me tell you, fuck you fuck you and fuck you too. I don't need any of this in my life. If you ain't here to stay, then you can get the fuck out right now. All of you keeners thinking you are so smart and all.. let me tell you something, you are far from it. So not impressed and finally realizing who my true friends are. They are the one who stands by even during the hardest times.

Too Little Too Late

Another one of those reflective thought days. Can't believe 8 months has passed since I started my last co-op term. School is just around the corner. To be honest, working so many months has really given me the feeling of what it'll be like in the future when I am back full time. Hopefully everything runs smoothly and I can get into Masters and pass UFE! I was very lucky this term to be able to get promoted. This really goes to show hard work does pay off. But I wouldn't have been able to do it without the support of all my coworkers, friends and coach. I know a lot of people work hard for this role. I know I really do. So that's why even though I was able to receive the good news, I couldn't help but stop to think about those who aimed for this news but didn't get it. That would be such a terrible feeling and I understand that. Therefore, I am even more grateful that I was the one given this opportunity. I couldn't be happier. But now comes the next obstacle. To do it well and to not disappoint those who had this faith in you. I will work really hard! Please continue watching me grow. This term has taught me a lot. How things don't always go your way. I am forever grateful to those that have stuck by me for nothing would have been accomplished without you all. And now that the term is ending, I hope only happiness and brightness await us all! Thank you!

Life is a roller coaster

First post in a little while =D How is everyone doing! Just finished 2 outta 5 exams and just wanted to take some time to just write out my feelings. One of my exams today was done in a computer lab. First time doing that and honestly, biggest fail of my life. I'm not good working on computers hahah. Never again. I didn't even realize that the part in multiple choice should have been typed as well. big fail on my part -_-. Hopefully it won't cause any fuss later on. 3 more exams left and i'll be finally done 4th year. I honestly can't wait but the fear of not doing well has really got me going. This term has been a total disaster. Literally. Who knew school would be soo so sooooo stressful. Hell I might as well gone to laurier or something and made myself 10000x happier. Life sucks right now and i'm so nervous about the outcome that i will be getting. Just because so much is at stake this term with masters and all. Never thought I would have to worry about making the averageo f 75% to be honest. Not saying I am super smart or anything. But you know how if you usually put in effort, you can do well? I really don't think it's applicable in this case. I wanna be confident and I wanna do well. I really really do. Just that it sounds so hard right now and whenever I say that I just feel so fake because really, I've lost hope. I want to do well. I want too. But who can save me? Who can gurantee that I will be able to get off this roller coaster safely? Is there any gurantee in life? So there we have it, the longest post i've written in a while. I just wanna go all out and write to my heart's content. Hell, If i could do that everyday, I think I would be much happier. =D Right right? =DD Thanks for reading loves!

Midterms, Life Update me please

4th year in uni has been total hell. Busy as Fack and never get time to breathe. Just got back my midterms and seems like i'm failing bad already. DOn't know what to know or where I'm gonna end up. I can only hope for the best. I'm sorry that everytime I post on my blog, it always seeems to be complaning about my life. Just can't help it and I think writing it out helps so much more. It's juust so hard to get through these days I'm soo sad. I've never felt this sad before and Now i am devastated to get my next midterm back tomorrow. The tears just keep coming down... there is no way out. I don't know what to do anymore. Someone, anyone please help me